For as long as I can remember, the concept of “deserve” has dominated my thinking and motivations. For example, I’ve worked hard in a desperate attempt to deserve/earn the respect and admiration of those around me. As another example, I’ve become deeply hurt when I didn’t receive what I believed I deserved. After all, I deserved it.
Since coming to Portugal, God has exposed this fatal flaw. On many occasions, He has turned my world upside down. He has given me what I didn’t deserve. Other times, he prevented me from receiving what I worked hard, harder than ever before, to deserve. I do believe that I’m making progress in laying down this oppressive and tyrannical master. I have an ever-increasing appreciation for grace and mercy. Many a morning, I stand in awe of God’s grace.
In God’s grace, he continues to point out the dominance of this thinking pattern. Just this morning, I was challenged by a book I’m reading to pray for healing like the two blind guys did when they heard that Jesus was nearby. They cried out, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on us.” After reading the author’s challenge to pray for healing, I thought about my frequent headaches and troubles with reading. As I was debating whether or not to ask for permanent healing, I caught myself thinking, “I don’t deserve to have God do this for me.” I completely missed the point of what these blind men said. They asked for mercy! They didn’t ask Jesus to give them what they deserved.
I’m finding grace and mercy. It’s a beautiful sight.
I’m learning that grace was made for “People Like Me.”