Confessions of a Control Freak

Actually, I didn’t realize just how much of a control freak I was until we made it to the mission field. Oh, I knew I liked to have things organized, and I liked to plan ahead, but, I thought those things were just part of avoiding being a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants person. Then came the move to Portugal. About 2 weeks later I realized that I was a stressed-out mess. About 2 weeks after that, I finally realized why I was struggling so much. I had no way to be sure that the man working on our apartment would actually come on the day he said he would, at the time he said he would, and do what he said he would; and he usually didn’t. I could not decide to run over to an office to get paperwork taken care of by having an appointment; instead I had to show up at the office, take a number, and hope that I got called and got through the appointment before I needed to be somewhere else. I couldn’t force the language into my head at the rate that I needed to in order to keep up with my classmates. I couldn’t always put my best foot forward in social settings because I still didn’t know all the rules of etiquette. I couldn’t do anything about the $180 overseas phone bill we received after double-checking three times that we had free calls to the States after 9:00pm and on weekends; the guy selling us the package either lied through his teeth to make the sale, or seriously had no clue, but, either way we received no contract and no bill, just money withdrawn from our account. Bottom line: I was in control of almost nothing and I wanted to be. However, as we both know, it wasn’t going to happen. So, I needed a plan B. (This was actually God’s plan A; He just had to get me to the point where I was ready to follow it.)  “Okay, God, I am not in control, but someone needs to be.” And His answer to me: “Mara, Someone IS in control. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  -Philippians 4:6-7

  1. Mara…I can relate on so many levels. I too want to be in control of ALL things. Even after the brain tumor removal and all the subsequent eye issues I STILL want the control. I will pray with you as we both strive to leave the control where is always has been in God’s hands. Thanks for sharing!!

    Tricia 🙂

  2. Oh, yes, I would feel the SAME way – I love to be in control, too – that’s why I struggle with newborns so much because there is NO way to plan on what they’re going to do… 🙂 Praying for you & glad God is using even these frustrations to grow you in your dependence on Him!!

  3. Yup, been there, am still there. We will pray for each other to leave it with GOD. HE knows what is best and is control, no matter how much I want to be. ~K~

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